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I can interact impersonally at work, but that’s it. A ravaged, war-torn land where nothing grows and the horizons are bleak. I don’t have the capacity for idle talk now. I have spoken to no one, not even my mother or Ray. Even the jingles in commercials make me shudder. And the music … so much music-I cannot bear to hear any music. Gray burning eyes, his lost look, his hair burnished and bright all haunt me. Dutifully, I make my way into the kitchen to hunt down a vase.ĪND SO A PATTERN develops: wake, work, cry, sleep. I examine the roses-they are beautiful, and I can’t bring myself to throw them in the trash. Christian probably had very little to do with it. I stare at the typed card, the hollow in my chest expanding. Inside are two dozen long-stemmed, white roses and a card.Ĭongratulations on your first day at work.Īnd thank you for the glider. I sign for the package and take it upstairs. I listlessly make my way downstairs and find a young man noisily chewing gum, holding a large cardboard box, and leaning against the front door. Steele.” A bored, disembodied voice answers, and disappointment crashes through me. The door buzzer startles me from my anguish, and my heart skips a beat. I sit and stare blankly at the brick wall. I turn on the flat-screen television so there’s noise to fill the vacuum and provide some semblance of company, but I don’t listen or watch. I miss Kate, and I imagine her lying on a beach in Barbados sipping a cool cocktail. I don’t want to start crying again-not out on the street. I suspect he has been overgenerous in his payment, and the thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but I dismiss it and try to keep my mind as numb and as blank as possible.
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Of course, I can afford a car-a nice, new car. I shut the door on that thought immediately. I walk toward the bus stop with my head down, staring at my feet and contemplating being without my beloved Wanda, my old Beetle … or the Audi. It doesn’t begin to fill the void in my chest, a void that’s been present since Saturday morning, a painful hollow reminder of my loss. Out in the early evening air of Seattle, I take a deep breath. I’ll see you tomorrow.”Ĭollecting my bag, I shrug on my jacket and head for the door. “I’ll be off, if that’s okay with you,” I murmur. Somehow, I manage to curl my lips upward in a semblance of a smile. I think we’re going to make a great team.” Jack Hyde … he smiles down at me, his blue eyes twinkling, as he leans against my desk. The time has flown by in a haze of new faces, work to do, and Mr. I HAVE SURVIVED Day Three Post-Christian, and my first day at work.